DEAD BUG CENTRAL

Once upon a time, I had a bike with a screen. This meant open-face helmet riding all summer long, visor up, without ever noticing the insect life, at least until time came to clean the bike, when I’d suddenly realise my headlight, my indicators, the backs of my mirrors and my screen had all become Dead Bug Central. And as those who’ve ever had to remove insect guts from glass or plastic know well, it’s not actually that easy. They respond best to warm soapy water and a fair degree of elbow grease, depending on how long it’s been since they landed.

The screen used to save me from a large part of the headwind, almost all the insect life (and death), a lot of the pollen and a lot of the dirt.

Now, I have a bike with no screen, and still an open-face helmet. This makes me the sole target for the headwind, which isn’t so bad, if only because motorways are generally pretty boring, so I tend to be confined to under 70mph. My bars, my riser, my jacket, my helmet, my visor, my sunglasses, my face and my eyes are now the landing place of choice for pollen, dirt, and – you guessed it – insects of all shapes and stripes.

I don’t know if it’s really much compensation that the mirrors and indicators are less bug be-spattered these days.

PRETTY DAYS & NEW CAFES

Spring has finally agreed to spring properly, with warm, clear and relatively calm days. It was one of those weekends when you look at the forecast and can’t decide where to go because nowhere is raining, and everywhere is beautiful. I went for a ride through Kent, thinking vaguely of going to a favourite café in Hildenborough, despite its lack of parking.

I’d forgotten, in my sheer enjoyment of not wearing six layers, that I usually slip onto the M25 for a couple of junctions, in order to get from the A20 to the A21. 

I was quite far down the A20, when I remembered about the motorway, so I stopped for petrol and checked my phone. It suggested a fairly short route. I looked at the pretty day, told the phone to shut it, and took a far more meandering and scenic route around the A25, to pick up the A21 again a fair way about Morley roundabout. Smart phones, for all their uses, don’t seem to understand enjoying the journey. 

I was, at this point, in the mood for coffee, so I stopped at the Teal Café, which I’ve passed a few times, but never tried. The Teal Café has parking, although somewhat gravelly in nature. Still, there were a couple of sports bikes on the less slippery side, so I parked up near them and wandered in. 

The other bikes turned out to belong to a father and son who spent quite some time examining mine before they left. The friendly couple at the next table and I had a good laugh about that, and the fact that my baby is more powerful and far heavier than their bikes. 

This meant that when I left, I had to reverse, in a tight curve, on gravel, in front of people I knew were watching me. No pressure, then, to do it all smoothly. No pressure at all.

Perfect summer - good alfresco food & coffee

Parking aside, I recommend the Teal Café. The only other downside is that it’s so close to another really good café. Well, I guess I can alternate.

A RIDE OF BIKERS

What is the collective noun for a group of bikers? Google suggest a rumble or an anarchy. You could go with a gang, or a thunder, or a chapter. Whatever it is, it’s a very distinctive entity.

Recently, for the first time in over a year, I joined an official Chapter Ride. The forecast looked reasonable, and a friend was Road Captain, so yeah. Why not?

It’s fun to spend time with people who share your hobbies (read: obsessions), and it’s always good to get compliments on your ride, which I did in spades because the last time they saw e, I was on an old Sportster.

Why on earth did I stop going to these rides?

Ah, yes. Because there’s always one person who rides almost hesitantly, not filtering, overtaking cars or taking any chances. And there’s always one person who rides aggressively, almost recklessly (compensating?), and is generally stuck behind the cautious person, because there’s no overtaking within the group. Generally, neither of them understands how to ride in a staggered formation, and I always seem to be stuck either behind or between them.