Crying on the hard shoulder

I  got my bike back! This is huge news.
I took it to the office and left it there for a week while I went on a shoot. So Saturday I try to start it and it won't. The plan had been to take it home, once the rain finally ceased, and leave very early on Sunday to go to Somerset. Best laid plans and all.
Frantically calling Lynn to help, I realised I had no current breakdown cover. This is not a good plan.
I went home and hurriedly got online to join up. I went with RAC, because both the AA and HogAssist have left me high and arid in the past.
Sunday I get up at stupid, and go to the office to pick up the bike, fingers and toes tightly crossed. She starts! Oh. No, wait. She doesn't. She coughs and splutters and dies. I call the RAC. 90 minutes, they tell me.
I warn the security guard and go for coffee. At least I should be firing on all cylinders before the orange charger turns up, as the bike sure isn't.
60 mins later, help arrives and charges my battery. Then cleans out my carburretor when the petrol overflows. Then takes my baby to pieces to discover the negative terminal is melted. No wonder it's shorting out.
3 hours later, I'm on route. So much for an early start.
Monday dawns and the bike - she will not start. I sigh, and call the RAC. 75 minutes they tell me. I get a cup of tea. 45 mins later, the knight in orange shows and cable ties my loose battery terminal in place, and tells me I have a massive oil leak. I gulp, thank him, and head back to my mechanic's.
He calls next morning: yes, I need a new battery. And oops. Terribly sorry but he nicked the gasket, hence the oil leak. When did I need her back by, again?
Sigh.